Some thoughts on the Collect for Purity which I say so regularly but, perhaps, seldom pray.
Almighty God, – All-powerful One whose power is declared chiefly in showing mercy, help me to use my power, my God-given power, in showing mercy; and I definitely need help receiving mercy from you and from other people…and from myself as well.
To you all hearts are open, all desires known, and from you no secrets are hid: - In addition to being all-powerful you’re also all-knowing which I find rather comforting for at least a couple of reasons. The first is that I’ve spent so much of my life trying to hide stuff from people which is just another way of saying I’ve spent a lot of my life being afraid I’d be found out. It’s kind of a relief to know my efforts are useless as far as you’re concerned. You simply can’t be fooled, although you do let me play “the elephant on the dining room table” game, when I insist, about something we both know is true. But even more comforting is knowing that you know all there is to know about me and still love me and accept me and affirm me every time I give you half a chance.
Cleanse the thoughts of my heart – I just barely beat the storm back to the center. It turned out to be a little distant thunder, no lightening that I saw, and a modest amount of rain preceded by a lot of wind which I had to walk against, of course. I was supposed to be out there in the relative cool of the evening (my choice of time) feeling my connectedness to the whole creation. At the end I felt like Dorothy being blown away to Oz. It’s amazing how just a little rain can freshen things up. The air is cool now, and crisper. So what about my heart? It feels easier in this place than it has in a while, but it still doesn’t have that lightness I’ve known before. Cleanse the thoughts…Thoughts seem like the dust that collects on the table tops and catches the sunlight so there’s no denying the need to do something about it. Very surfacy and easy to address are how the thoughts of my heart feel. It’s my gut that needs cleaning---purging of the fear that I’m inept, uncaring, judgmental. Of course, I am all those things and more. But I’m also not just all those things or you’d never have entrusted so much and so many to my care. Could you just please help me hold that thought? Maybe then I can be seriously repentant for some of the seriously nasty things I have done and stop obsessing about the seriously nasty things that have been done to me.
By the inspiration of your Holy Spirit, - I’m thinking that the kind of inspiration I need is more like the wind that almost blew me away a little while ago than a gentle breeze that caresses…though gentle breezes are nice and there have been plenty of them these last few days, laden with the scent of earth and new-mown grass and, now and then, a whiff of honeysuckle or sweet olive. I guess I have needed a little caressing since I got here feeling so beat up. Thanks, but I really do want you to shake me up, blow some energy into me.
That I may perfectly love you, - Not a good word for someone like me. You alone know how often I redo some stupid little task way too many times so it will be “perfect” when “good enough” would be just fine. I’d like to love you “good enough” because I have a sneaking suspicion you’d really like that, and that I’d find “good enough” highly enjoyable and satisfying…which would probably also give you pleasure. “Perfectly” seems like more of a dare, or even a double-dare, which makes my efforts to achieve it more important than you getting my love which you so richly deserve.
And worthily magnify your holy Name; - Magnify always makes me think of making something look bigger than it actually is, which seems like kind of an oxymoron when we’re talking about you…all-powerful, all-merciful, all-knowing you. Once or twice in my life I think I’ve actually done that “magnifying” thing. I’d like to do it again sometime…please.
Amen
RPM
Wernersville, June 2, 2000
